My love

[eyeseyesya]

I wish promiscuity wasn't so frowned upon
That babies were not made
Thast diseases did not exist.
Why can't we all just get it on?

"I have never loved a woman for herself alone, but because I was caught up in the time with her, between train arrivals and train departures and other commitments. I have loved because she was beautiful and we were two humans lying in the forest at the edge of a dark lake or because she was not beautiful and we were two humans walking between buildings who understood something about suffering. I have loved because so many loved her or because so many were indifferent to her, or to make her believe that she was a girl in a meadow upon whose approved knees I laid my head or to make her believe that I was saint and that she had been loved by a saint. I never told a woman I liked her and when I wrote the words 'My love,' I never meant it to mean 'I love you.'"

L.Cohen “Poems Written / While Dying of Love”

"I do my thing, and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful."

Frederick Perls

[YouTube]Wanda Jackson - Funnel of Love

[YouTube] Elvis Presley - I Forgot to Remember to Forget

[YouTube] Wanda Jackson - I Forgot to Remember to Forget
[YouTube] Johnny Cash - I Forgot to Remember to Forget

its all right she says. take anything you want from me.

[close up]

Let me remind you that I love you,
and however you want it, you got it.

[YouTube] Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing

i like it all that way

The best thing about a woman's body: Its form.
The best thing about a man's body: Its warmth.

[YouTube] Broken Social Scene - Lover's Spit (redux)
you know its time that we grow old and do some shit
i like it all that way

TOO MUCH

THERE IS TOO MUCH BEAUTY IN THE WORLD.

MY HEART IS REALLY GONNA EXPLODE.

and what was there

[Peter English]

[YouTube] Grizzly Bear - While You Wait for the Others (on Jools Holland)
[YouTube] Grizzly Bear - Deep Blue Sea

wake up before the day is gone.

[Johnny Depp & Kate Moss by Annie Leibovitz]

So it seems you're looking for someone just like me,
To be true, I'm looking for someone just like you.
You know, it could be so easy if we didn't make it so hard.

Wake up before the day is gone, dear.
Wake up before the days is gone.

Or, so be it. Be it so,
What could have been, we will not know.

Animal Collective - In the Flowers

Then we could be dancing
No more missing you while I'm gone
There we could be dancing
And you'd smile and say, "I like this song"
And when our eyes will meet there
We will recognize nothing's wrong
And I wouldn't feel so selfish
I won't be this way very long

the past turns whole to half

[sasha parker]


The Park

Why would he come back through the park
You thought that you saw him, but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across the sea to surprise you
Not him who would know where in London to find you

Sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from a cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from the present to past

The past...
Turns whole to half
In the past...

Why would he come back through the park
You thought that you saw him, but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you from knowing the truth

Why would you think your boy would become
The man who could make you sure he was the one
The one...
My one...

[YouTube] Bon Iver - The Park (Feist cover)

hats off to my distant hope

I'll feel your feelings crackling
For every single inch of me, I'm going to make you mean it
With every single cell of me, I'm going to make you mean the words you sigh

jus wait.

to give up on love is to give up on life.

(but you can't. love feels too damn good).


jus wait. jus wait. jus wait.


unknown Sea Belly

a break from the usual format.

Night and Day

Fleet Foxes - Tiger Mountain Peasant Song (live)

I don't know what I have done
I'm turning myself to a demon


Great Lake Swimmers - There Is a Light

stop, listen, and feel


[Love hinders death. Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.] Leo Tolstoy

[going up]

"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves."
- Bill Hicks

The Books - A Little Longing Goes Away

[Toronto from the CN Tower]

Broken Social Scene - Pitter Patter Goes My Heart

[robert james]

"... it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much; my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

...And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

[American Beauty]

Bon Iver - Wolves @ Boston's Wilbr Theater 12.14.08

What might have been lost
(Don't bother me)

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

[at the table]

I find Cloud Cult's unrelenting optimism and gratitude to be quite infectious. I can't wait for them to come back around, whenever that may be. I think they changed me a little. Maybe it's just the weather.

Cloud Cult - Hurricane and Fire Survival Guide

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
I will laugh my whole way through the
hurricanes and fire...


My review on the Margot/Cloud Cult/Ice Palace show @ FUC 04/10/09

You've Gotta Live The Best You Know How

I appreciated this PostSecret and the response to it.

Sex makes everything so complicated.


Margot & The Nuclear So and So's - A Sea Chanty of Sorts [MP3]

and if you love well that should be enough

Stop Me

[Wear Your Blisters Proud]

Stop Me - Mark Ronson (Smiths cover)

Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop, me if you think that you've
heard this one before

Nothing's changed
I still love you
Oh, I still love you
Only slightly less
than I used to


I really do need new running shoes.

Margot overflow

8 miles, 65 minutes, 43 seconds
(5 miles, 40 minutes, 55 seconds)

I ran that before I heard the news of Harry Kalas' death. It was a personal best, and it wouldn't have happened with that sadness in my stomach.

shit man, it's only april.

Margot/Cloud Cult/Ice Palace

[Richard Edwards]

Last night's show at the FUC was a three-headed monster of chamber-rock oddballs that hypnotized and sensitized and mesmerized.. bringing us all to ONE heightened state of consciousness where the energy emitted from stage-front hung heavy over our heads and thick between our shoulders, rendering us motionless...

Margot & The Nuclear So and So's - Broadripple is Burning*

Darling I'm drunk
and everything that I have loved has turned to stone

*this song was clearly the crowd pleaser, as in, probably Richard's least favorite, but he did it anyway because, well, he knew the crowd wouldn't be pleased otherwise.

Cloud Cult - Chemicals Collide*
these days its hard to tell
whats half asleep
and fully alive

*(this band MUST be heard live)

Margot@Myspace (unofficial)
Cloud Cult@Myspace
Ice Palace@Myspace

I only feel comfortable for so long

and then I eat too much

or I say too much.

I just cannot accept that other people

have problems too.


her's is the prettiest face I have seen in ages.

if' only she could enjoy elliott smith with me.

Black Horse Motel

[Black Horse Motel @ McIntyre's]

They were better than I ever expected.
More to come on them later.

Black Horse Motel - Nonfiction

The video is shit, too dark to see anything. But the sound is good. I'll write a review on this before the weekend is through (and hopefully see them again Saturday for a 2nd try).

[trash]

"I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking

Bob Dylan - Can't Leave Her Behind

Productivity

[hand down]

It's almost April, and while I always make an effort to follow some sort of a strict diet and exercise regiment for overall health purposes, I find that my ability to maintain it through the Winter is especially difficult. The reason being, well, Winter depresses the shit out of me. I can't persuade myself with any kind of success to leave the warm comfort of my room and go for the 5 mile run I do every day through the months of April-October. For one, its too cold, and for two, there is simply not enough daylight to fit it into my schedule on a daily basis. But Spring makes me eager to get back to it. To start the obsession all over again. I set goals, and I achieve them. My mind becomes clear and focused. I am constantly high on caffeine and adrenaline. I have so much energy that I never want to stop. I sleep less because the sun is shining and I want to be in it.

My diet:

coffee. coffee. coffee.
soy/banana smoothie.
veggie/grain/tofu something for lunch and/if dinner.
water. water. water.

I've been running 4 miles because I don't want to over-do it while I can't be consistent with it, but today I pushed myself to 5. This means I can't turn back. It's started.

On the other hand, while I was a completely depressed sloth through the winter, I managed to get into a reading routine which will not end when the birds start chirping.

Books read in the past month:

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris
(holy shit, witty, hysterical)

Running With Scissors, Augusten Burroughs
(holy shit, dark, disturbing, hysterical)

Magical Thinking, Augusten Burroughs
(holy shit, warm, dark, witty, hysterical)

So, while I'm on the memoir kick, next is:

Ham on Rye, Charles Bukowski

But what I really need to do it take some new pictures. I've pretty much cleaned out my archive.

REM - Tongue (live)

Michael Stipe does his best falsetto to sing from the perspective of a girl. It's one of my favorite's off the underrated Monster.

don't lay that stuff all over me.
it crawls all over. all over me.

Love

[White Face]

Charles Bukowski

Love

she's young, she said,

but look at me,

I have pretty ankles,

and look at my wrists, I have pretty

wrists

o my god,

I thought it was all working,

and now it's her again,

every time she phones you go crazy,

you told me it was over

you told me it was finished,

listen, I've loved long enough to become a

good woman,

why do you need a bad woman?

you need to be tortured, don't you?

you think life is rotten if somebody treats you

rotten it all fits,

doesn't it?

tell me, is that it? do you want to be treated like a

piece of shit?

and my son, my son was going to meet you.

I told my son

and I dropped all my lovers.

I stood up in a cafe and screamed

I'M IN LOVE,

and now you've made a fool of me ...

I'm sorry, I said, I'm really sorry.

hold me, she said, will you please hold me?

I've never been in one of these things before, I said,

these triangles ...

she got up and lit a cigarette, she was trembling all

over. she paced up and down, wild and crazy. she had

a small body. her arms were thin, very thin, and when

she screamed and started beating me I held her

wrists and then I got it through the eyes: hatred,

centuries deep and true. I was wrong and graceless and

sick. all the things I had learned had been wasted.

there was no living creature as foul as I

and all my poems were

false.

Heath Ledger Directed A Modest Mouse Video

The Heath Ledger/Nick Drake Connection

Tom Waits to Star in The Book of Eli (& Heath Ledger connection)

Southeast Engine - Let Me Down

I came to see you a million times

we tried to reconcile

these feelings take a mile off your life

[Merry X-Mas]

sometimes a smile contains the power to make you forget
that you were wearing a frown before you met it.

Bob Dylan - I'm Not There [MP3]
Cat Power - The Greatest [YouTube]
Sam Cooke - Bring It On Home To Me [live. YouTube]
Sam Cooke - Bring It On Home To Me [random YouTube cover]

[rock out]

i am self-absorbed.
i am never bored and never feel lonely.

Louis CK - The Difference Between Girls and Women
Louis CK - Children and Their Secrets
Louis CK - Bad Words

Soberly speaking...

[Beer Smile]

So it is, I have two types of clarity : that kind which comes to when I'm wrapped in the gauze of alcohol, and that kind that comes when I feel I'm at the bottom of everything, at the peak of sobriety.

The first type I know many can relate to. These are the men and women who find their ways into bars on weeknights and don't allow their current circumstances to interfere with thoughts of bigger dreams. They know, as they say, that they were meant for a better life than this- but that they're tied - and they will go on dreaming.

They count their accomplishments, the steps they have taken, and despair because they have only gotten them to here. Here, where they can forget about waking up to go back to their crummy jobs for a few hours, and exist in an atmosphere of good times, good music, and other good and disenchanted people like themselves. Not terrible, but not quite what they had in mind.

I flourish in this atmosphere, although I'm drunk as shit and probably being a slob. I have no fear, and as I restrain myself from being the only drunk bitch in a bar with no dance floor, there is an impulse I am nearly powerless to deny.

And so, more often then not, I allow myself to be elated. Although I see that others are hugging the bar, gripping their beers, my feet tapping with not let me be. I cannot suppress it. I want to be free. I can always bury it in the morning and tell myself "That's what drunk people do." So, I dance, and the entire floor becomes a dance floor; I don't care, and neither, it seems, does anyone else.

Of course the other clarity comes in the middle of the day, or worse, during my first cup of coffee in the late morning when I break from the comfort of sleep (which I prolong for as long as I can), so I can get on time, to the job which is getting me nowhere, but that I feel desperately tied to.

During the drive to work along Route 295 a flock of birds lifts into the air like a freshly cleaned white sheet and I am moved to tears. I envy their freedom as I watch them change directions 3 times before they, as one unstoppable force, move towards their destination. I only wish I could steal one second of their determination.

My Morning Jacket - Bermuda Highway (live)
oh, don't carve me out
don't let your silly dreams fall in between
the crack and the bed and the wall

So happy in love, I wish I was (but not really).

[V-Day]

5 Songs to Make You Wish You Were in Love

"Sometimes I think I want a girlfriend, but really I just want to cum." I read that on a random myspace profile some time ago, and though I laughed when I read it, it's damn true some of the time. It pretty much sums up my thoughts this fake holiday. You know, sometimes having a significant other is nice, but right now, I love myself more. I'll leave V-Day to all the believers this year. But here are a selection of songs that get my heart thumpin.'

Lou Reed - This Magic Moment (The Drifters cover)

Lou Reed's twist on this sweet ditty from the 60's appears in the film Lost Highway, as well as on the soundtrack. The track creeps into action with a distortion hum that is layered by clean, rhythmic guitar and Reed's deep, low, vocals that go in through your ears and end up vibrating somewhere near your pelvic region. "Everything I want I have, whenever I hold you tight," he sings with conviction, "So please, save the last dance for me."

Wolf Parade - This Heart's On Fire

The last track off Apologies to the Queen Mary is a sort of rock n' roll tribute to being in love. It's as high-energy as any Wolf Parade song, driven by the floor tom, the snare drum, and Dan Boeckner's excitable voice, the song builds to a climax with the words "This hearts on fire," repeated over and over, although my favorite line is, hands down, "YOU'RE MY FAVORITE THING. I TELL IT EVERYWHERE I GO." Alright fine, yes, this song makes me want to say FUCK FUCK FUCK YES, I'M IN LOVE.

Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

So many of the Arcade Fire's songs typically peak in a cacophony of percussive and vocal explosiveness, that in essence many of them feel as though they could be love songs. They get your heart pumpin', and your foot tapping. I can't sit still when I hear this song and it reminds me of being 13 and laying in bed on the phone with the boy I wanted to marry wishing I could dig a tunnel from my window to his. Sometimes I wish I could still have wishes like that. "You change all the lead sleeping in my head to gold." Ah, yes, someone please, do that for me. And while you're at it, purify the colors, purify my mind.

Bright Eyes - A Perfect Sonnet

The song that sums it up for us all, before it all went wrong. If you've never heard it, quick, try and write down your perfect idea of love before you do. Because after you hear it, you'll realize that it's been written, and A Perfect Sonnet is it. This song builds in such rich vocal desperation on Conor's part; what begins with a soft and subtle guitar strum and simple melody, maxes out with pounding drums and rough thrashing and scratching screams. Fuck that. no, fuck that. love will not end.

Van Morrison - Sweet Thing

Only a handful of songs paralyze me the way this one does. It's Van's voice, its the way I find my body rocking to the rhythm, the plucking of whatever instrument that is... the accented high-hats, and those violins. Secondary, although ever so important, is the image that is painted in the mind of a land where we are forever youthful in love. "And I will raise my hands up into the nighttime sky/and count the stars that's shining in your eye." It's dynamite. I swear to it, I feel oceans rip through me when I hear this song. My, my, my, my, you sweet thing. I'll be satisfied not to read in between the lines. Ah, it is picture perfect.